please wake up

a few months ago, i lost a dear dear friend, who might have been the kindest soul ive ever had the pleasure of knowing. i still feel a twinge of pain every once in a while, but with acceptance comes the knowledge that his time on earth was truly up and that he was able to do all that he was supposed to do, and more

and now, another friend hangs on the brink of death, and my heart just cannot accept that his time is up. the comic book world still needs his genius. the blues world still needs an Asian harmonica man. his friends and family still need his heart and laughter and silliness and kindness

friend, please wake up, the world still needs you


photo courtesy of migs and jp

the music and the sadness and the happiness

"Which came first, the music or the sadness?"
- High Fidelity, Nick Hornby

When all else fails, music will always be my constant companion. Be it in a noisy jeepney, an overcrowded mall, an eerily quiet office, or in the deepest pits of despair, music is the silent witness to all the joys and pains of my heart. One sign that I am slowly recovering from depression is when I get shivers when I hear songs that are not necessarily about pain.

Yes, I wallow still in the notes and lyrics that express the deepest longings of my heart, but when my heart starts leaping at beats and riffs and words that are actually about love or some sort of positive emotion.

Yes, I still experience that painful contraction whenever I hear one of the songs that I "gave" him, but I can slowly remember the fond memories that came with the songs and I can vaguely see the future that will have me laughing at whatever im feeling right now

Yes, I will still listen to angry girl music, be it old, new, pop or totally unheard of, but I will start listening again to songs that are filled with hope and optimism in the hopes that they might rub off on me

So welcome back, music that both pains and warms my soul

I Love…

I wont even bore you with the details of how my life has gone to crap the past few days. Just thinking about those things will make me want to…never mind

So instead of focusing on the crap, I just want to share with you the things that have been bringing me joy, be it big or small, new or rediscovered. It just might inspire you to take a look at your own crappy or happy life and be grateful for big and small blessings.

1. My job – seriously. If it weren't for my job, I would have probably lost it. And as much as I complain about certain clients, the lack of sleep, the stress, the pressure, you do know that deep down inside I am happy doing with what I am doing
   
2. Bath by candlelight – my bathroom light is going bonkers so I started just using candles for my bath time. And even now that it's fixed, I still prefer candlelight. Something about it is so relaxing, okay and yes, romantic even. Don't ask me why
   
3. Making playlists – For the past months I've just been putting my ipod on shuffle mode because I was too lazy or uninspired to actually choose what I want to listen to. But lately, I've rediscovered the joys of matching my mood or activity to what I listen to. There's the "running around UP while emo-ing playlist". Or the "trying not to die from boredom while running on the treadmill" playlist. Or the "I'm pretending to not be heartbroken aka not listening to bitter and sad songs" playlist. And of course my personal favorite "Shit, she's listening to Sitti again so I better use my headset" playlist.
   
4. Living on my own – don't get me wrong. I miss my family like crazy. But there's really something about living on your own that makes me feel good inside. Yes I'm broke, a lot of times hungry because I'm too lazy to feed myself, and sometimes lonesome, but at the end of the day, it feels good to know that you can actually take care of yourself. Plus, decorating your own place is always a joy
   
5. Sondre Lerche – I want to marry him
   
6. Christmas – I'm a Christmas girl, and I go gaga over the season, no matter what circumstances I am in. Puto bumbong, decorations, shopping for gifts, the songs. Who cares if I've never had a boyfriend during Christmas?
   
7. Waiting for my best friend to come home this Christmas – Keyj! Beach in December? Yes please!
   

So your turn. What's been bringing a smile to your face lately?

When You Cannot Write Anything Coherent

...a meme is the only way to go. Thanks Abbie!

Name Four Scents You Love
freshly cut grass
D&G's Blue (but i cant afford it so i settle for Bench's Eau de Baby)
coffee
that scent which name i dont know but i know the smell by heart

Name Four Things You Are Thinking About Now
Crap, my fone line got cut off!
Yeah, I really am stupid when it comes to love
Crap, I have to wake up at 4AM!
Yeah, I really am stupid

Name the Last Four Things You Have Bought
Raspberry Vinigrette salad from Goolai
Purple compact mirror from Watsons
Red star necklace from Greenhills
Simple wooden shoes from Greenhills

Name Four Drinks You Regularly Drink
coffee! coffee! coffee!
Coke
Light
Pineapple juice

Last Time You Said 'I Love You' And Meant It
Hmmm...to my mom, my brother and my grandmother, almost everyday. That counts right?

Last Time You Cried?
A while ago...

What's In Your Music Player?
If I list them down here, we'll go on forever. But safe to say, mostly rock songs, a little bit of jazz and pop, nice TV commercials from youtube and the latest Heroes ep

What's Under Your Bed?
Uhm, the floor?

What Time Did You Wake Up Today?
12PM. and i was supposed to meet my brother at 12PM. heehee

Current Hair?
bobcut aka Gretchen's new hair

Current Clothes?
Sesame Street parody of The Scream and hawaiian shorts

Current Desktop Picture?
Stardust

Current Worry?
That I overstepped my boundaries. And my office phone line got cut

Current Hate?
Myself? Grrrr

Favorite Physical Feature Of The Opposite Sex?
Arms, shoulders

Last CD You Bought?
Hmmm...Sino Sikat. But that was a million years ago. I just download. Eeeveeeelllll

Favorite Place To Be?
My new apartment
The Office (yeah, I'm a loser)
Sala in Laguna
Any coffee shop

Least Favorite Place?
Client's office

If You Could Play An Instrument?
Piano

Favorite Color(s)?
Purple and red

Do You Believe In An Afterlife ?
Yaha

How Tall Are You?
Next question

Current Favorite Word/Saying ?
Yaha and Naha
Seriously? Seriously?

Favorite Season?
Christmas

One Person From Your Past You Wish You Could Go Back And Talk To
The first ex. Just to set things right

Favorite Day?
Fridays and Sundays

Where Would You Like To Go ?
Italy

How Many Kids Do You Want ?
None

Favorite Car?
That new Honda car that I dont even remember

things that make me feel uncomfortable and/or annoy me

1. wearing IDs - even back in high school, i hated wearing these things. i dunno, maybe it's the hidden rebel in me manifesting itself in a weird way

2. looking at people in the mirror of a public bathroom - avoid eye contact, that is my rule. maybe that is why i've missed seeing people i know even when they were right beside me

3. people who aren't close to me making cracks about my weight or lack of lovelife - ano tayo, close? i don't mind if it's friends who do that, but if not...how dare you?

4. being in a cramped elevator when the floor im going to is in the 30+ range - different strangers with different smells with different breaths with different body parts all stuck in one cramped space. Gives me shivers

5. women who breastfeed on the mrt - i know breastfeeding is a glorious thing, but woman, please do it in private to avoid men ogling you and women falling over themselves to avoid looking at you. i dont mind the caterwauling of your baby as long as i dont see your boobs

6. people who talk loudly on their cellphones - while i am sometimes amused at the different stories you hear from people who scream into their phones, when i want to concentrate on my book or my music or my sleep, i just want to hit them over the head

7. myself, when i correct people's grammar in my head - di naman nababawasan ang pagkatao pag mali ang grammar diba???

8. myself, when i become too emo - what the hell do i have to be emo about anyway? i have a good family, good friends, great job. what else do i want? oh yeah, that. ha

9. making small talk with people who are obviously not interested in what i have to say - i'd rather just shut up and fade into the wallpaper

10. people who are just overflowing with self-confidence - wait for someone to compliment you, wag ka magbuhat ng sariling bangko (dont carry your own chair? haha)

I Am

(inspired by Stef's recent posts)

a raving insomaniac
short
hopelessly addicted to work
both an introvert and an extrovert
extremely klutzy
desperate for so many things
falling in love
trying to stop myself from falling in love
longing for hugs from people i like
uncomfortable when people i dont like hug me
a download whore
pressured
stressed
content
addicted to coffee
addicted to music
addicted to books
addicted to movies
addicted to tv
a closeted hopeless romantic
cynical and optimistic
dreaming of going to italy
perenially hungry
perpetually trying to lose weight
delighted with my family
sleepless yet happy
confused yet happy
a bit brokenhearted but happy
happy

for them, i would consider shifting careers

i love kids. that fact is obvious to anyone who knows me and even to those who barely know me. but there are probably two kids that i enjoy spending time with the most


one is a little girl who is barely three years old, the daughter of two good friends, and my very first god daughter. at her age, she has memory gap already, because everytime she sees me, she kinda forgets who i am and refuses to come near me. but when she finally recognizes me, after i bribe her with yakult, candy, ice cream, or whatever she's in the mood for, she becomes this adorable chatterbox who i can't get enough of. to say that she's smart is an understatement. at age two, she could recite the entire alphabet and count 1 to 100. she gets unusually giddy when she enters national bookstore and sees all those books. and she speaks in pure english (which can be a bad thing later on). our conversations go like this


bianca: ninang, know what? i saw nice shoes. silver, with strings. i like it
ida: hey cool. where did you see it?
bianca: at sm manila
ida: wanna buy it?
bianca (rolls her eyes incredelously): but ninang, that's so fa (she still has difficulty with her r's , so this means far)

need i remind you that she's barely three?



and then there's my colleague's daughter, who at five years old, may probably be one of the most precocious little girls i've ever had the pleasure of knowing. she's always a distraction when she comes to the office because i would rather color books with her or read a storybook to her or sing out loud with her, than work on boring stuff like reports and presentations. and even though she sometimes acts schizo (crying one minute, laughing the next second) and she has her own vocabulary (Mommy, she ubos-ed it already), a day spent with her is always a memorable one. and i can actually hold an intelligent conversation with her.

anja: hey tita ida, i know that picture on your phone!
ida: oh yeah, nice clocks huh?
anja: no, that's persistence of memory by dali!
ida: (what the? how does she know this?) uhm, yeah, it is
anja: oh, and i know that guy who cut off his ear, van gogh
enya (her mom): and why did he cut off his ear?
anja: because the girl he liked didnt like him back
ida: (what the? most people dont even know that!) huwaw



there are days when i would rather give up my day job and be yaya's to any of these two little girls. and no, i am not longing for a little girl of my own, God forbid! it's just such a joy to be with these two, and to watch them grow smarter and even cuter, if that's at all possible

and then there are days when i just wish they would never grow up...
but even though the day will come when they will graduate from grade school, go to their proms, experience their first heartbreak, have little girls of their own, they will forever remain little girls for me...

Another One of Them Surveys

Rules:

1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc.).
2. Put it on Shuffle Mode.
3. Press play.
4. For every question, type the song that's playing.
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button.
6. Don't lie and try to pretend your cool.

Opening Credits:
Your Weak Hands (Azure Ray) - hmmm....yes, can be a bit apt

You held my hand
Led me homeward
I looked for you
You were nowhere
Holding tight my hand
Was my own


Waking Up:
Another Sunny Day (Belle and Sebastian) - I swear, my itunes was on shuffle!

Another sunny day, I met you up in the garden
You were digging plants, I dug you, beg your pardon
I took a photograph of you in the herbaceous border
It broke the heart of men and flowers and girls and trees

First Day At School:
Queen of Apology (The Sounds) - Oohkaay...may be a bit of a stretch. But love the song nonetheless. Yes, indeed, I am a queen of apology

Now I'm fighting this feeling
but it never stops, never stops
I'm still waiting
And I'm stuck with this feeling
will it ever stop, ever stop?
I keep trying

Falling In Love:
32 Flavors (Ani Di Franco) - Why settle for just one flavor when you can have your pick of 32 flavors? And I mean you, you know who you are

and I'm beyond your peripheral vision
so you might want to turn your head
cause someday you're going to get hungry
and eat most of the words you just said


Fight Song:
If I Ever Lose My Faith (Sting) - This should be a mantra after every fight

I could be lost inside their lies without a trace
But every time I close my eyes I see your face

Breaking Up:
Rental Car (Beck) - First time I heard this song actually. Haha

Hey now girl, at the end of the road
Down where the reaper is walking alone
Singing a death knell, clapping along
At the end of the night there's a road will be gone


Prom:
The Beekeeper (Tori Amos) - As with every other Tori song, weird, just weird. The only reason I chose this part of the song is because of the word gown. Otherwise, doesnt remind me of prom at all.

In your gown with your breathing mask
Plugged into a heart machien
As if you ever needed one
I must see the beekeeper I must see if she'll keep her alive


Life:
Mood Swings (Debbie Gibson) - Well, yeah, I sometimes act manic depressive

In a vicious cycle of depression once
Not too long ago
But I'm over it now


Mental Breakdown:
Storms in Africa (Enya) - The original words are in another language. But as I always put it, it is ferpectly aft

How far is it from?
The beginning of the storm
The start to the end
Take your heart
Take your beloved
Long Journey
Heavy through the storm


Driving:
Light and Shaded (Fra Lippo Lippi) - I don't know how to drive, so if you put me at the wheel of a car, we would probably end up in the clouds

Sail on the wings of a cloud
Where to, well nobody knows


Flashback:
How High (Madonna) - Uhm, okay

It's funny, I spent my whole life wanting to be talked about
I did it, just about everything to see my name in lights
Was it all worth it? And how did I earn it?
Nobody's perfect, I guess I deserve it

Getting back together:
Liham (Hale) - Yes, I have Hale. You got a problem with that?

Nasasaktan bawat araw bawat hakbang
'Di mo lang maramdaman
'Di sinasadyang


Wedding:
I Always Was Your Girl (Jennifer Love Hewitt) - Okay, I don't want to be this cheesy on my wedding day

Birth of Child:
City of Blinding Lights (U2) - If only for this line

Oh you look so beautiful tonight
In the city of blinding lights

Final Battle:
Run For It (Delirium) - Yeah, yeah, I know I'm a coward

You better run for your life, love, I'm walking I'm walking

Death Scene:
Bullet (Mat Kearney) - What a dramatic yet extremely painful way to die

I would take a bullet for you
I would lose it all, I'd take my fall
To show you it's for real

Funeral Song:
Me (Paula Cole) - OMG! I actually wrote it down somwhere that I want this to be played at my funeral!

I am carrying my voice
I am carrying my heart
I am carrying my rhythm
I am carrying my prayers


End Credits:
An End Has a Start (Editors) - Okay, I cheated. I skipped one song so that this song would be my end credits song. It's just too perfect!

You came on your own
That's how you'll leave
With hope in your hands
And air to breathe
I won't disappoint you
As you fall apart
Some things should be simple
Even an end has a start

Stolen

They were lying beside each other, bodies not touching, staring at the ceiling, sleepy but blissfully content, alcohol lazily coursing through their bloodstreams, but not yet drunk enough to not be aware of that very moment

For some reason, she suddenly blurts out, "Let's tell each other something we don't know about each other."

And she begins to run down in her mind something that she would want him to know. "Should I tell him that I love burping out loud? Or that when I was young, I wanted to be a receptionist when I grew up? Or that my greatest frustration in life is that I cannot draw to save my life?"

After he speaks and tells his secret, he turns to her and says "So, what's yours?"

And for once, she decides to bare a piece of her soul. She whispers, "I've never fallen in love."

He sits up, looks at her incredelously "Didn't you say that you were as good as engaged a few years back?"

She closes her eyes and the emotions that she felt during that brief period flashed before her. She murmurs "No. I don't think that was love at all. I haven't felt that all-abiding passion that I always hear of. I have yet to totally open myself up to the joys and pains of actually falling in love."

He pokes her shoulder and jokingly says, "Now, you will"

The girl refuses to open her eyes and look at him because he might see the fear in her eyes. She feels the inevitable cold truth coursing through her veins, the inevitable truth that he might just be right

She opens her eyes and looks at him and in her head, answers with conviction, "Maybe"


Clear liquor and cloudy eyed, too early to say goodnight
- Stolen, Dashboard Confessional

You're ruining me
With secrets and gestures and looks
With sonnets from second-hand books
Playing the chords in me nobody knew how to play
- The Thief, Brook Fraser

How long can I hide, what I'm feeling inside
My love is a river, that's got to make its way into sea
- Beneath the Surface, Incognito

monday morning blues

nah, i don't really have the blues. and even though i didn't sleep a wink, and even though i know it's gonna be another hell week, i just feel so energized and ready to take on the world. well, in a sleepy way, that is.

so what has got me so revved up?

jollibee's chicken tocino breakfast
i dunno why oily food hits the right spot, but it does. and when you pair it up with hot chocolate, man, it just tastes like a slice of perfection. until i start thinking of the calories, that is. but i refuse to think of the calories

music! music! music!
azure ray - dream pop at its dreamiest
hellogoodbye - makes me want to dance around the room
nerina pallot - makes me wish i could sing and play the piano like her
amelie ost - makes me weepy and nostalgic and romantic
my wake me up songs - love is waiting, my favourite book, knowing there is only now, long walk home, sofia, grateful, we are all in the dance

lack of sleep
for some reason, i am more alive and productive and adrenaline-y when i haven't got any sleep. but then after a few hours, i will surely crash into oblivion. so i should enjoy this while it lasts

the truth shall set you free
i took a big step last friday in admitting something to someone, although it was somehow under duress. but i havent done that in a long time, and it feels so liberating. and i am enjoying the "perks" that come with finally being open about it. let's just hope i remember the rules and not overthink and overanalyze things. right, luv?

paris je t'aime
come hell or high water, i am going to watch it tonight. i swear, if anyone gets in my way, i will get so freaking pissed they won't know what hit them. as feist so aptly put it, nous sommes tous dans la danse

the august playlist

my ipod is really such a blessing. not only do i have a companion on those long bus rides home or those early mornings in the office when i'm the only soul out and about, but now i have a valid reason to totally let out my OC-ness when it comes to tagging, arranging and re-arranging my music

oh, and playlists are so much more fun on an ipod (damn you, steve jobs! now i am a walking advertisement for your products!)

and in the tradition of stef and ailene in naming their gadgets, the ipod is now arien

so...on with the playlist


MY FAVOURITE BOOK - STARS
My officemate and I can't get enough of this sweeteningly sick yet utterly cool song. It is the perfect theme for her and her boyfriend, but since she says he doesnt appreciate this artist, i have dibs on this song already. now if only i can find a lover to share this with...hehe

"that is how we'll always make it. how i know your face or the way you move.i can read you, you're my favorite book. all the things you say, the way you shift your eyes. i never knew there was someone to come and make me feel alive"

LOVE IS WAITING - BROOKE FRASER
Totally Ailene's fault. Romantic longings and the songs that go with them are totally infectious.

i watch as lovers pass me by
Walking stories - whos and hows and whys
Musing lazily on love, Pondering you
I'll give it time, give it space and be still for a spell
When it's time to walk that way we wana walk it well

THE WORLD IS OUR PLAYGROUND - UP DHARMA DOWN
Maybe it's because I'm finally home with my family again
Or I recently celebrated my first year in my work (a major achievement for me, the perennial job hopper)
Or I've found out what I really want to do with my life
But seems to be the cry of my heart

"I swear I belong...This is where I belong"

NOT READY TO MAKE NICE - DIXIE CHICKS
I'm not really angry at anyone for anything. But this song just makes me so want to scream "Hell yeah!" for no reason at all. An anthem for the bitter and the oppressed

I’m not ready to make nice
I’m not ready to back down
I’m still mad as hell and
I don’t have time to go round and round and round
It’s too late to make it right
I probably wouldn’t if I could
‘Cause I’m mad as hell
Can’t bring myself to do what it is you think I should

GOD ONLY KNOWS - BEACH BOYS
Entertainment Weekly recently named it as the most romantic love song. And I couldn't agree more. Whenever Ihear this song, I think of people who have been married for 25 years and who still have the ability to look at each other and say "God only knows what I'd be without you"

I'LL FOLLOW YOU INTO THE DARK - DEATH CAB FOR CUTIE
Yeah, it is theologically twisted, but it is such a beautful poetic and twisted take on the till death do us part and beyond aspect of love

If Heaven and Hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark

WE'RE ALL IN THE DANCE - FEIST
It is the song that's playing on the Paris Je T'aime trailer which makes me fall all the more in love with that movie. Cinemanila na!!! Let's watch! Let's watch!

To be continued...

sige na nga, survey na rin

01: Ano ang problema mo?
Ayoko ng ulan. At may gusto ako pero may gusto siyang iba...

02: Bakit sadyang may mga taong tanga?
Tulog yung iba nung nagsabog ng katalinuhan ang Diyos

03: Ano ang masasabi mo sa mga taong mahilig manloko?
Babalik rin sa inyo yan

04: Sa paanong paraan magiging masaya ang isang tulad mo?
Kape. Libro. Musika. At siya sa tabi ko. Haha

05: Kung luluha ka uli, ano o sino ang magiging dahilan nito?
Malamang lalake na naman. Lagi naman eh

06: Sino ang taong nagpapasaya sayo ngayon?
Si ano

07: Bakit hindi sagot ang pagpapakamatay sa mga problemang dumarating sa ating buhay?
Kase mas maraming problema na maiiwan sa mga taong nagmamahal sayo

08: Kaya mo bang magpakamatay para sa pagibig?
Hindi no

09: Ano ang mga pangarap mo sa buhay?
Magpunta ng Europa. Magkaroon ng public library/cafe. Magkaron ng harmless fling.

10: Kung may tao kang gustong patayin, sino ito?
Ang nakaimbento ng high heels

11: Bakit naman?
Parusa ang ginawa niya

12: Matapang ka ba?
Ay hindi. Loser ako

13: Ano ang pinakamalaking kasalanang nagawa mo sa taon na ito?
Ay marami

14: Madali ka bang magsawa?
Oo naman

15: Ano ang masasabi mo sa mga taong martyr?
Pagkatapos ng lahat, ikaw pa rin ang lugi

16: Seryoso ka bang tao?
’Pag meron ako

17: ‘Pag namatay ka ngayong oras na ito, marami kayang tao ang iiyak?
Sana

18: Masakit ka bang magsalita pag galit ka?
Umiiyak lang ako pag galit, di na ako makapagsalita

19: Pikon ka ba?
Pag sinabi mong kamukha ko si Aiza

20: Huling bilin?
Sige na, sagutin niyo na ito kung wala kayong magawa

A Day Late

for someone whose life is communications, your messages are kinda muddled

or maybe it's just my head that's muddled and i've been imagining that things actually mean something when in fact, they are just some random mutterings that come out of your mouth whenever you deign to actually communicate with me

but whatever it is, can i just say, that finally, i am tired and i've reached the point of no return?
im through trying to rack my brains just to try to figure out what it is you want from me, if you wanted anything at all

and at least now, i can actually start being a friend, and nothing else. that is, if you need a friend. if not, oh well....

We are who we were when
Could have been lovers but at least you're still my day late friend
we are who, we are who we were when
Who knew what we know now
Could have been more but at least you're still my day late friend
We are who, we are who we were when
- A Day Late, Anberlin

the calm after (or before?) the storm

To say that last week was emotionally tumultous for me is to say that the past few weeks was really, really hot.
It's funny, because externally, nothing much happened. Well, at least nothing that I care to admit here in this public domain.
But inside, I was such a mess that I couldn't concentrate much on the things I'm supposed to be doing, which resulted in a semi-disaster work-wise. But that's another story.
What's even more frustrating is I have no idea what message it is that my heart is so desperately trying to convey to me. And again, I'm such a scaredy cat when it comes to confronting my personal issues and demons. I would rather wait it out till the next episode, which probably results in weird episodes like this.
All I know is, one afternoon, I just felt this urgent urgent need to break down and cry. And when people started freaking out and asking me why, I couldn't give a decent answer which led to more tears of frustration.
But I guess it was just one of those days, or a combination of sleep deprivation, pesky hormones, unrequited emotions that refuse to be named, and the fact that I havent had a good cry for so long.
And after the floodworks, there was laughter. Yes, I think my officemates have officially labeled me a cuckoo

But, I guess, now that I have calmed down, I may have the courage to analyze why it is that I am acting like a crazy, pregnant woman (and for the nth time, no I am not!). Otherwise, I might just totally go bonkers the next time around

So here's to a week of sanity which I desperately need

since it seems like an emo friday

i feel like any moment now i'm going to burst into a million pieces and all that is inside me will be splattered all over, but no one can seem to find the heart parts, when it was the heart that caused the explosion in the first place

Things I Wish I Could Say With a Straight Face"

"I have no expectations whatsoever in whatever this is. I will simply enjoy our time together and not overthink things"

"Being a perennial klutz is so fun!"

"I don't mind being single forever. And ever. And ever"

"I like you. May magagawa ka ba? Wala. So just shut up and accept it, okay?"

"I have total confidence in myself. Self-doubt is such a foreign concept to me. I rock!"

But alas...

my favorite pen

i collect pens like crazy. whenever i get the opportunity to drop by a bookstore, i will purchase a minimum of two pens, never mind if i have a dozen waiting for me inside my oversized pencil case

but now, i have a favorite pen. i doubt if i will ever use it. it is too small, and im afraid of the ink running out. but i will put it on a small pedestal, and treasure it like the most precious piece in a museum

it is a pen that was given out of random thoughtfulness from a friend that i thought i lost forever.
it is a simple memento to the power of healing and renewal
it is a testament to the hope that shoudln't be allowed to die when you know that something is still worth hoping for

i'm being melodramatic, but i swear, it is the best pen ever

Things I'm Loving Right Now (aka My Addictions)

in no particular order

1. The moment when I'm the first person in the office and I can lie on the pink bean bag and listen to my songs of the day wholeheartedly, with eyes closed and a silly/sad/ecstatic grin on my face

2. Standing immobile under the showers for a few minutes and just letting the water rush over me after an intense workout or at the end of a hot and stressful day

3. Me tickling Lola and then her pinching me and exclaiming how "tabachingching" I am already.
She's the only one who can get away with that.

4. Devouring books at the most unusual times and places, like waiting for the bus in Kamias, standing in line at the bank, waiting for the bus to fill up, in the middle of the work day when my head can't take it anymore, waking up unexpectedly in the middle of the night. And yes, I devour books like there's no tomorrow

5. Arranging, rearranging, manually editing my song titles and info in Itunes. Goodbye winamp

6. Looking for and downloading old and new TV commercials and music videos from Youtube and iFilm. It's addictive I tell you. I get inspired. I am thoroughly amused. And the old videos are truly nostalgic. It's addictive I tell you. Now if only we could come up with ads as great as these

7. Having non-sensical and silly YM conversations that may or may not contribute to my development as a person

8. The smell of the different Body Shop bath gels. And the smell of the shampoo and soap at Planet Infinity. And the smell of my faux Light Blue perfume from Bench

9. Internet window shopping and then the day when I actually buy something and they actually deliver it to my office and then unwrapping it and then showing it off to everyone. Again, addictive

10. Watching crime procedural shows (CSI, Bones, Law and Order, Without a Trace, Medium) with my brother and then discussing them in a serious but fun way, like which actor has guested in all of the above, or how yummy the autopsy is, or how realistic that particular case is

Now, tell me what you love....

Quick Reviews

Vacancy
It's probably the best movie ever! NOT! It's such a crappy, crappy movie and I can't imagine what possessed us to actually watch it. After the movie, I wanted to scream, "Give me back my 140 pesos!". The most horrifying moments were actually scenes which I refused to see, because lots and lots of rodents were involved. But my colleagues and I enjoyed trying to scare each other silly. Miss Kate Beckinsale, please don't ever play another damsel in distress role. I much prefer you to the kick-ass werewolf killer of Underworld. And sheesh, can you please make a little less noise when you're trying to get away from murdering maniacs?

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
I don't know what's the record for fastest time for reading a 759 page book, but I did break my personal record. Dude, 9 hours straight! And I have to say, I am definitely satisfied with how JK Rowling ended the series. (But please, don't go back on your word and make another Harry Potter book after a few yours. Leave the story to rest.) I will not give away any spoilers, but suffice it to say, there were some tears involved and I am thoroughly satisfied on how she closed the story on one character which everybody loves to hate, but oddly enough, I sympathized with. Okay, I will shut up now


Nightwatch by Sergei Lukyanenko
As much as I love the world of Harry Potter, if I had to live in a fantasy world apart from Middle Earth, I would choose to live in this world where vampires, werewolves, witches and magicians engage in constant battles and philosophical debates, sometimes at the same time. This is the basis of that awesome Russian movie which Ailene describes as Underworld meets The Matrix. I am currently reading the second book, Daywatch, and I cannot wait to get my hands on Twilight Watch and Final Watch. When it comes to literature, even fantasy and horror novels, you Russians kick ass


the hotness that is Matthew Fox

Lost Season 3 Finale
Everyone was buzzing about Heroes and a lot of people kinda lost hope that Lost will regain its former glory. I do like Heroes but it's season finale was such a letdown. But when I finally watched Lost, I totally forgot all other TV shows (except for Battlestar Galactica. Why doesnt anyone I know watch this show???). Of course I won't give away spoilers coz I know AXN and Studio 23 arent finished showing the season yet, but people, I have got to tell you this: stick it out to the end. I know some episodes were hum drum (Nicki? Paolo? Who are you guys again?) but wait it out and the last six or seven episodes are truly worth it

and on a final note:

Taco Bell's Green Margarita Slush
If I could drink it everyday, I would

just some questions running through my head

when will you ever look at me the way i want you to look at me?
when will you ever see the you that is reflected in my eyes?
when will my feelings for you stop fluctuating every other day?
when will you ever admit that you know what i said a few days ago?
when will the fascination with things i know are out of my reach stop?

and when will i start to finally ask these questions to your face?