once again and always

To say that the story of our friendship deserves its own soap opera would be an understatement.

College would never have been as fun if we weren't friends. The chances of us not being friends were actually astronomical, seeing as to we were only a handful in our block. And the moment I first talked to you, I knew we would be soul friends. We weren't really that different. We both came from damaged families, both love music like itself, both emotional (although I still maintain that you are the "crazier" one. agree?), both came from strictly Catholic families then converted to Born Again Christianity at around the same time I don't remember the exact details of all our college adventures. But I do remember the nostalgia that creeps into me every time I see the Sunken Garden, CASAA, former CCC and Christmass tambayans, and whenever Sir Paolo Manalo is mentioned. I don't remember how many tears we shed with each other over countless boys, failed exams, questions about God and life, and yes, tears of laughter over such trivial things as the word "boylet". And even after college, the bonds were never broken. We didn't actually have a blood compact or said the actual words, but it was understood that we would be each other's maid of honors, our kids would grow up together, we would grow old together

Until the incident

Thinking about it now, brings a sharp pain to my soul. Not because of the guy we both loved and who is now yours (whether you like it or not. haha), but because of what it did to us. Never in a gazillion years would I have thought we would make those stupid decisions, those frakking horrible mistakes that would forever alter the course of our friendship and our lives But we did. And we paid dearly for those mistakes. And I all but gave up on love and my best guy friend and girl friend. And I will forever regret that time of my life until my death bed

Until, miracle of miracles, one of us (i dont even remember who) started to tentatively reach out, with fear and foreboding at first, then with more confidence and determination

And from the ashes of a seemingly broken relationship, there arose forgiveness and love Of course things will never be like they were, not just because of what happened to us, but because we become different persons with every passing second of the day

But who needs juvenile, nostalgic friendship when what you've got is a brand new one, with has literally stood the test of time and life?

And now that in a few months, you will be more or less 5,000 miles (according to google) from me, I am both saddened and excited for you. Excited, because you are going on a new journey with the man who once came between us (and who should now take care of you, and if he doesn't i will kick him all the way to timbuktu) and your beautiful little boy. Saddened, because once again, I will "lose" you, but not really, because, what are a thousand miles compared to what we've been through?

What I want to say, and I am making it a public declaration mind you, is that nothing can ever ever ever come between us again. Not him, not New Zealand, not even ourselves

I am truly blessed to call you once again, and always, my friend

i was a writer in another lifetime

I used to write

I never got published, nor received any accolade of sorts, but I think I was a pretty decent writer, if my high marks from my writing classes since elementary are any indications. My English high school teacher, who is my favorite teacher of all time (shout out to Mrs. Delosantos, Canossians! where is she now anyways), always had high hopes for me, even though she constantly reminded me that i am too lazy to actually write an epic someday

When I look back at some of my writing, only around 20% make me cringe, so I think i was never that bad. And I only cringe at those stuff that I wrote when i was in love or broken hearted because now they seem too trivial and corny and useless

But somewhere along the way, as predicted by the aforementioned English teacher, I became too lazy to even finish a short story or a decent article or even a coherent blog post

Hence, therefore and thereafter, giving the impression to some people that all I am good at is writing an events checklist, jotting down a few sentences for a presentation, composing numerous emails to my clients and answering stupid surveys on facebook and multiply. I am not even worthy of an invite to an event that should be able to produce blog articles, even though I repeatedly begged and cajoled and I promised not to eat dinner or get a freaking giveaway. All I wanted was to see the event, write down my thoughts that other people would hopefully read and help in promoting the product (therefore adding to the agency's good name, not that I am such a significant person in the blogging world, but it still is another blog after all)

Anyways, I digress and that is not my entire point

My point is this, I will try to write again, and hopefully some of the magic is still there. Maybe then they might take me seriously and see that I am more than just a pretty face (HA!)

25 Things

Rules:
Once you've been tagged, you're supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. at the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. you have to tag the person who tagged you.

1. I am deathly afraid of rodents of any kind. If you want me to not speak to you for a week or forever, you only have to scare me with rodents. But please don't

2. For some irrational reason, I can't get on and off escalators properly. I have to step on at the even numbered steps from where I started counting. And I can't for the life of me figure out why

3. Like Ailene, I don't know how to ride a bike or whistle. Or snap my fingers. Or blow bubblegums. Or wink. Or raise my eyebrows.

4. When I was 6 years old, I stole my cousin's stationery (I think it was you Ate Carren, right?) and sold it to my classmates

5. I am a big pop culture fanatic. Ask me anything about movies, music, books, tv shows, gossip, I would probably know it. Well, except for local pop culture, I am clueless about that

6. As of this moment, I have no plans at all of getting married or having children. Not just because there is no one even remotely on the horizon, but because I love being single more than being in any kind of long-term relationship. And also, if I could marry my job, I would. Haha

7. I absolutely don't like R&B/hiphop music (except for a few artists) or house/trance/techno music (except for Chicane and Massive Attack). I would rather listen to a dozen one hit wonder pop alternative bands than listen to a song by Chris Brown and the like (I can't distinguish them from each other anyways)

8. I love vampires but I have no patience at all for anything Twilight (except its soundtrack). I would rather read the Watch series by Sergei Lukyenko, watch True Blood and Moonlight, or even read Anne Freaking Rice. But no Stephanie Meyer for me, thank you very much

9. I am a geek and I'm not ashamed of it

10. I've never been out of the country, but I plan to change all that before I turn 30. Which is in a few months. And I still don't have my passport by the way

11. I devour books by Tolkien, Gaiman, Atwood, Roth, Plath. On the other end of the spectrum, I collect Patterson, Garwood, Shreve, Roberts and a few old Mills and Boons books. I also like books aimed at teens (Artemis Fowl, Septimus Heap and the likes) but I NEVER read chick lit. I think they're detrimental to my health

12. In spite of # 6, I love attending and/or organizing my friends' weddings. There's something about seeing people I know pledge their love to each other and me helping them have a stress-free wedding day that just brings contentment to my heart

13. To de-stress myself, I organize my files and my Itunes folders

14. I'm a download whore. I get antsy if there's nothing downloading on my bit torrent

15. I may seem talkative and outgoing, but put me in a situation where I don't know anyone and I clam up and panic and hyperventilate

16. I am not photogenic. I have never practiced what's my best angle. I dunno how to smile. I automatically stick my tongue out. I probably have 2 or 3 decent pictures. But I am not really bothered about it

17. For people who know me after college, it is very surprising to them to know that I weighed 80 lbs when I was 18

18. I would rather sit in a coffee shop drinking coffee and talking rather than go to a bar that doesn't have a band

19. In connection to # 18, I don't dance

20. I consider National Bookstore my personal mecca. I am obsessed with buying post its, ballpens, notebooks and other knickknacks. I don't always use them, but I still buy them

21. One of my dreams is to sing in a Broadway revue. I Dreamed a Dream or On My Own or I'm Not That Girl or Memory or The Movie in My Mind

22. I like The Jonas Brothers. I want to marry Joe Jonas. So sue me

23. I think tennis players and football players (not American football okay) are the hottest athletes

24. Contrary to what some of my officemates say, I am not gay. I did think i was for about 15 minutes way back in high school, but I concluded that I like men too much

25. I like answering lists like this, even though it is so tiresome

of course i had to make an eraserheads post

i think it's mandatory for people who blog and whose college lives unfolded to eraserheads music. and even though my attendance at the reunion concert is still up in the air (are there tickets still available?), i just have to do this post. after all, their music brings both tears, laughter and nostalgia as i reminisce

"Trip to Jerusalem"
The first concert I ever watched in UP was their Fruitcake concert. And I still get goosebumps everytime I remember how the whole UP Theater "exploded" when they got to this part of the song "Oh tell me do you wanna fly Fly high way up in the sky". Everyone was jumping up and down, hands in the air, shouting the lyrics. Goosebumps, I tell you

"With A Smile"
A good friend, who is now working in Disneyland Hongkong but whose hair still remains the same to this day, serenaded another good friend in her classroom. I was both "kilig" and embarassed for both of them. But at that time, I think it was sweet. Looking back now, it's probably corny

"Shake Yer Head"
This song brings back memories of lazy days in the tambayan, with John strumming on his guitar, and the rest of us trying to remember the lyrics to this song, with Leah always coming out the winner, if I remember it right

"Hey Jay"
A friend came out to me through this song. Until now, I dont think he/she (to protect his/her identity) is out to anyone. And I will carry his/her secret to my grave, if he/she asks me to

"Sembreak"
This brings back memories of tambay days during, err, well, sembreak. This was when I still went out of our house in Laguna, and when I still had friends there. You would always find us sitting in front of someone's house, with someone playing the guitar, us eating chips and drinking coke, and boys and girls harmlessly flirting with each other. I forgot some of their names already, but the scene will forever be familiar

"Shirley"
Friends tease me that this song can actually be re-titled "Ida". This was the point of my life when I had a new crush (which I referred to then as "love") every week

"Minsan"
Everytime I hear this song, I tear up. As in, everytime. I never lived in the Kalayaan dorms, but my whole college life revolved around my friends. Of course, I studied (although I did graduate a year late) but looking back, I barely remember the different film theories or what apperture I should set my camera when taking pics of a moving object or what the relevance of STS is to my life. But I do remember all the moments in the tambayan, each and every heartache I experienced, the first time I was able to enroll on my own (yup, my Mom still helped me enroll when I was a freshman), and most of all, all the friendships that I cherish up to this day.

Okay, enough of the mushiness and sentimentality. Time to look for those darn tickets!

finally

a new post

And since I am always eloquent and wordy (read: too lazy to write coherent and things that make sense) I leave you with one liners of things that make me happy lately


making coffee for other people

making to do lists

crossing off items in to do list

work. seriously

thinking of things to put in my new apartment then wondering when the heck i can afford to put said stuff

getting postcards from people to contribute to my wall of postcards that i havent even begun yet

sleeping for 12 straight hours after an entire week of not sleeping properly

walking around the different scout streets with colleagues and pointing out houses we would like to own someday

making fun of stupid movies

being single. seriously

so what's been keeping you happy lately?

a humbling experience

To put up my client's bulletin boards is truly a humbling experience
(To explain why my client needs bulletin boards every freaking month is something I cannot fathom also so I wont even try to explain)

Every time my ego becomes a little bloated or I think I'm already too good and way past manual labour, the paper cuts and pin pricks and sore muscles I get from installing them always brings me back to reality. And I won't even talk about the teasing I get about how my height is not proportionate to the boards I'm installing because that's a whole other post about height discrimination and the joys and pains of being vertically challenged

And I promise myself each month that I'll get someone else to do this next month and I always declare that my Mom didn't send me to college for four (oh right, five) years just to cut and paste and pin stuff that I really don't care about, like a high school student. Come to think of it, I don't recall making bulletin boards in high school because I've always thought they were lame (plus I was never really artistic or creative in that sense)

But my point is this...

Do something every once in a while that will humble you and bring you down from your high horse. We should never be too good for anything, because, hey, we all started from the bottom, we all got our hands dirty, so don't go thinking you're better than anyone else (unless you were born with a silver spoon in your mouth, so i hate you, so stop complaining)

Reality check? Check!

a near perfect day would be...

...sleeping the night before to the sound of Azure Ray

...being dragged out of bed by exercise enthusiastic officemates to run in Amoranto Stadium

...pushing yourself beyond your limits, or the limits your mind set on your physical body

...running to your own beat, ipod in hand, not caring about whether you look horrible while sweaty and out of breath

...gulping down a bottle of gatorade after an exhausting morning and it's not even 10am yet

...cooking your own version of cornsilog as a reward to yourself

...going to a job that you love and working with people you love or are fond of

...sharing your pancakes with your officemate's cute kid while she's sitting on your lap and waxing poetic about how pancakes are so yummy

(the near perfect day was marred by the overwhelming, excruciating pain of your teeth fillings accidentally falling out without your knowledge)

...having the overwhelming, excruciating pain mentioned above removed by your nice dentist who is probably the best dentist in the whole wide world because she's the only one you allowed to touch your teeth

...sleeping at 6PM, then waking up at 11PM, thoroughly drugged and out of it, but well rested and happy that the pain is finally gone

...falling asleep while playing mystery case files ravenhearst and listening to kings of convenience

who says you need a lovelife or money to keep you happy? you just need to find what makes you happy, be it the mundane or the profound

here's to happiness!

please wake up

a few months ago, i lost a dear dear friend, who might have been the kindest soul ive ever had the pleasure of knowing. i still feel a twinge of pain every once in a while, but with acceptance comes the knowledge that his time on earth was truly up and that he was able to do all that he was supposed to do, and more

and now, another friend hangs on the brink of death, and my heart just cannot accept that his time is up. the comic book world still needs his genius. the blues world still needs an Asian harmonica man. his friends and family still need his heart and laughter and silliness and kindness

friend, please wake up, the world still needs you


photo courtesy of migs and jp

the music and the sadness and the happiness

"Which came first, the music or the sadness?"
- High Fidelity, Nick Hornby

When all else fails, music will always be my constant companion. Be it in a noisy jeepney, an overcrowded mall, an eerily quiet office, or in the deepest pits of despair, music is the silent witness to all the joys and pains of my heart. One sign that I am slowly recovering from depression is when I get shivers when I hear songs that are not necessarily about pain.

Yes, I wallow still in the notes and lyrics that express the deepest longings of my heart, but when my heart starts leaping at beats and riffs and words that are actually about love or some sort of positive emotion.

Yes, I still experience that painful contraction whenever I hear one of the songs that I "gave" him, but I can slowly remember the fond memories that came with the songs and I can vaguely see the future that will have me laughing at whatever im feeling right now

Yes, I will still listen to angry girl music, be it old, new, pop or totally unheard of, but I will start listening again to songs that are filled with hope and optimism in the hopes that they might rub off on me

So welcome back, music that both pains and warms my soul

I Love…

I wont even bore you with the details of how my life has gone to crap the past few days. Just thinking about those things will make me want to…never mind

So instead of focusing on the crap, I just want to share with you the things that have been bringing me joy, be it big or small, new or rediscovered. It just might inspire you to take a look at your own crappy or happy life and be grateful for big and small blessings.

1. My job – seriously. If it weren't for my job, I would have probably lost it. And as much as I complain about certain clients, the lack of sleep, the stress, the pressure, you do know that deep down inside I am happy doing with what I am doing
   
2. Bath by candlelight – my bathroom light is going bonkers so I started just using candles for my bath time. And even now that it's fixed, I still prefer candlelight. Something about it is so relaxing, okay and yes, romantic even. Don't ask me why
   
3. Making playlists – For the past months I've just been putting my ipod on shuffle mode because I was too lazy or uninspired to actually choose what I want to listen to. But lately, I've rediscovered the joys of matching my mood or activity to what I listen to. There's the "running around UP while emo-ing playlist". Or the "trying not to die from boredom while running on the treadmill" playlist. Or the "I'm pretending to not be heartbroken aka not listening to bitter and sad songs" playlist. And of course my personal favorite "Shit, she's listening to Sitti again so I better use my headset" playlist.
   
4. Living on my own – don't get me wrong. I miss my family like crazy. But there's really something about living on your own that makes me feel good inside. Yes I'm broke, a lot of times hungry because I'm too lazy to feed myself, and sometimes lonesome, but at the end of the day, it feels good to know that you can actually take care of yourself. Plus, decorating your own place is always a joy
   
5. Sondre Lerche – I want to marry him
   
6. Christmas – I'm a Christmas girl, and I go gaga over the season, no matter what circumstances I am in. Puto bumbong, decorations, shopping for gifts, the songs. Who cares if I've never had a boyfriend during Christmas?
   
7. Waiting for my best friend to come home this Christmas – Keyj! Beach in December? Yes please!
   

So your turn. What's been bringing a smile to your face lately?

When You Cannot Write Anything Coherent

...a meme is the only way to go. Thanks Abbie!

Name Four Scents You Love
freshly cut grass
D&G's Blue (but i cant afford it so i settle for Bench's Eau de Baby)
coffee
that scent which name i dont know but i know the smell by heart

Name Four Things You Are Thinking About Now
Crap, my fone line got cut off!
Yeah, I really am stupid when it comes to love
Crap, I have to wake up at 4AM!
Yeah, I really am stupid

Name the Last Four Things You Have Bought
Raspberry Vinigrette salad from Goolai
Purple compact mirror from Watsons
Red star necklace from Greenhills
Simple wooden shoes from Greenhills

Name Four Drinks You Regularly Drink
coffee! coffee! coffee!
Coke
Light
Pineapple juice

Last Time You Said 'I Love You' And Meant It
Hmmm...to my mom, my brother and my grandmother, almost everyday. That counts right?

Last Time You Cried?
A while ago...

What's In Your Music Player?
If I list them down here, we'll go on forever. But safe to say, mostly rock songs, a little bit of jazz and pop, nice TV commercials from youtube and the latest Heroes ep

What's Under Your Bed?
Uhm, the floor?

What Time Did You Wake Up Today?
12PM. and i was supposed to meet my brother at 12PM. heehee

Current Hair?
bobcut aka Gretchen's new hair

Current Clothes?
Sesame Street parody of The Scream and hawaiian shorts

Current Desktop Picture?
Stardust

Current Worry?
That I overstepped my boundaries. And my office phone line got cut

Current Hate?
Myself? Grrrr

Favorite Physical Feature Of The Opposite Sex?
Arms, shoulders

Last CD You Bought?
Hmmm...Sino Sikat. But that was a million years ago. I just download. Eeeveeeelllll

Favorite Place To Be?
My new apartment
The Office (yeah, I'm a loser)
Sala in Laguna
Any coffee shop

Least Favorite Place?
Client's office

If You Could Play An Instrument?
Piano

Favorite Color(s)?
Purple and red

Do You Believe In An Afterlife ?
Yaha

How Tall Are You?
Next question

Current Favorite Word/Saying ?
Yaha and Naha
Seriously? Seriously?

Favorite Season?
Christmas

One Person From Your Past You Wish You Could Go Back And Talk To
The first ex. Just to set things right

Favorite Day?
Fridays and Sundays

Where Would You Like To Go ?
Italy

How Many Kids Do You Want ?
None

Favorite Car?
That new Honda car that I dont even remember

things that make me feel uncomfortable and/or annoy me

1. wearing IDs - even back in high school, i hated wearing these things. i dunno, maybe it's the hidden rebel in me manifesting itself in a weird way

2. looking at people in the mirror of a public bathroom - avoid eye contact, that is my rule. maybe that is why i've missed seeing people i know even when they were right beside me

3. people who aren't close to me making cracks about my weight or lack of lovelife - ano tayo, close? i don't mind if it's friends who do that, but if not...how dare you?

4. being in a cramped elevator when the floor im going to is in the 30+ range - different strangers with different smells with different breaths with different body parts all stuck in one cramped space. Gives me shivers

5. women who breastfeed on the mrt - i know breastfeeding is a glorious thing, but woman, please do it in private to avoid men ogling you and women falling over themselves to avoid looking at you. i dont mind the caterwauling of your baby as long as i dont see your boobs

6. people who talk loudly on their cellphones - while i am sometimes amused at the different stories you hear from people who scream into their phones, when i want to concentrate on my book or my music or my sleep, i just want to hit them over the head

7. myself, when i correct people's grammar in my head - di naman nababawasan ang pagkatao pag mali ang grammar diba???

8. myself, when i become too emo - what the hell do i have to be emo about anyway? i have a good family, good friends, great job. what else do i want? oh yeah, that. ha

9. making small talk with people who are obviously not interested in what i have to say - i'd rather just shut up and fade into the wallpaper

10. people who are just overflowing with self-confidence - wait for someone to compliment you, wag ka magbuhat ng sariling bangko (dont carry your own chair? haha)

I Am

(inspired by Stef's recent posts)

a raving insomaniac
short
hopelessly addicted to work
both an introvert and an extrovert
extremely klutzy
desperate for so many things
falling in love
trying to stop myself from falling in love
longing for hugs from people i like
uncomfortable when people i dont like hug me
a download whore
pressured
stressed
content
addicted to coffee
addicted to music
addicted to books
addicted to movies
addicted to tv
a closeted hopeless romantic
cynical and optimistic
dreaming of going to italy
perenially hungry
perpetually trying to lose weight
delighted with my family
sleepless yet happy
confused yet happy
a bit brokenhearted but happy
happy

for them, i would consider shifting careers

i love kids. that fact is obvious to anyone who knows me and even to those who barely know me. but there are probably two kids that i enjoy spending time with the most


one is a little girl who is barely three years old, the daughter of two good friends, and my very first god daughter. at her age, she has memory gap already, because everytime she sees me, she kinda forgets who i am and refuses to come near me. but when she finally recognizes me, after i bribe her with yakult, candy, ice cream, or whatever she's in the mood for, she becomes this adorable chatterbox who i can't get enough of. to say that she's smart is an understatement. at age two, she could recite the entire alphabet and count 1 to 100. she gets unusually giddy when she enters national bookstore and sees all those books. and she speaks in pure english (which can be a bad thing later on). our conversations go like this


bianca: ninang, know what? i saw nice shoes. silver, with strings. i like it
ida: hey cool. where did you see it?
bianca: at sm manila
ida: wanna buy it?
bianca (rolls her eyes incredelously): but ninang, that's so fa (she still has difficulty with her r's , so this means far)

need i remind you that she's barely three?



and then there's my colleague's daughter, who at five years old, may probably be one of the most precocious little girls i've ever had the pleasure of knowing. she's always a distraction when she comes to the office because i would rather color books with her or read a storybook to her or sing out loud with her, than work on boring stuff like reports and presentations. and even though she sometimes acts schizo (crying one minute, laughing the next second) and she has her own vocabulary (Mommy, she ubos-ed it already), a day spent with her is always a memorable one. and i can actually hold an intelligent conversation with her.

anja: hey tita ida, i know that picture on your phone!
ida: oh yeah, nice clocks huh?
anja: no, that's persistence of memory by dali!
ida: (what the? how does she know this?) uhm, yeah, it is
anja: oh, and i know that guy who cut off his ear, van gogh
enya (her mom): and why did he cut off his ear?
anja: because the girl he liked didnt like him back
ida: (what the? most people dont even know that!) huwaw



there are days when i would rather give up my day job and be yaya's to any of these two little girls. and no, i am not longing for a little girl of my own, God forbid! it's just such a joy to be with these two, and to watch them grow smarter and even cuter, if that's at all possible

and then there are days when i just wish they would never grow up...
but even though the day will come when they will graduate from grade school, go to their proms, experience their first heartbreak, have little girls of their own, they will forever remain little girls for me...

Another One of Them Surveys

Rules:

1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc.).
2. Put it on Shuffle Mode.
3. Press play.
4. For every question, type the song that's playing.
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button.
6. Don't lie and try to pretend your cool.

Opening Credits:
Your Weak Hands (Azure Ray) - hmmm....yes, can be a bit apt

You held my hand
Led me homeward
I looked for you
You were nowhere
Holding tight my hand
Was my own


Waking Up:
Another Sunny Day (Belle and Sebastian) - I swear, my itunes was on shuffle!

Another sunny day, I met you up in the garden
You were digging plants, I dug you, beg your pardon
I took a photograph of you in the herbaceous border
It broke the heart of men and flowers and girls and trees

First Day At School:
Queen of Apology (The Sounds) - Oohkaay...may be a bit of a stretch. But love the song nonetheless. Yes, indeed, I am a queen of apology

Now I'm fighting this feeling
but it never stops, never stops
I'm still waiting
And I'm stuck with this feeling
will it ever stop, ever stop?
I keep trying

Falling In Love:
32 Flavors (Ani Di Franco) - Why settle for just one flavor when you can have your pick of 32 flavors? And I mean you, you know who you are

and I'm beyond your peripheral vision
so you might want to turn your head
cause someday you're going to get hungry
and eat most of the words you just said


Fight Song:
If I Ever Lose My Faith (Sting) - This should be a mantra after every fight

I could be lost inside their lies without a trace
But every time I close my eyes I see your face

Breaking Up:
Rental Car (Beck) - First time I heard this song actually. Haha

Hey now girl, at the end of the road
Down where the reaper is walking alone
Singing a death knell, clapping along
At the end of the night there's a road will be gone


Prom:
The Beekeeper (Tori Amos) - As with every other Tori song, weird, just weird. The only reason I chose this part of the song is because of the word gown. Otherwise, doesnt remind me of prom at all.

In your gown with your breathing mask
Plugged into a heart machien
As if you ever needed one
I must see the beekeeper I must see if she'll keep her alive


Life:
Mood Swings (Debbie Gibson) - Well, yeah, I sometimes act manic depressive

In a vicious cycle of depression once
Not too long ago
But I'm over it now


Mental Breakdown:
Storms in Africa (Enya) - The original words are in another language. But as I always put it, it is ferpectly aft

How far is it from?
The beginning of the storm
The start to the end
Take your heart
Take your beloved
Long Journey
Heavy through the storm


Driving:
Light and Shaded (Fra Lippo Lippi) - I don't know how to drive, so if you put me at the wheel of a car, we would probably end up in the clouds

Sail on the wings of a cloud
Where to, well nobody knows


Flashback:
How High (Madonna) - Uhm, okay

It's funny, I spent my whole life wanting to be talked about
I did it, just about everything to see my name in lights
Was it all worth it? And how did I earn it?
Nobody's perfect, I guess I deserve it

Getting back together:
Liham (Hale) - Yes, I have Hale. You got a problem with that?

Nasasaktan bawat araw bawat hakbang
'Di mo lang maramdaman
'Di sinasadyang


Wedding:
I Always Was Your Girl (Jennifer Love Hewitt) - Okay, I don't want to be this cheesy on my wedding day

Birth of Child:
City of Blinding Lights (U2) - If only for this line

Oh you look so beautiful tonight
In the city of blinding lights

Final Battle:
Run For It (Delirium) - Yeah, yeah, I know I'm a coward

You better run for your life, love, I'm walking I'm walking

Death Scene:
Bullet (Mat Kearney) - What a dramatic yet extremely painful way to die

I would take a bullet for you
I would lose it all, I'd take my fall
To show you it's for real

Funeral Song:
Me (Paula Cole) - OMG! I actually wrote it down somwhere that I want this to be played at my funeral!

I am carrying my voice
I am carrying my heart
I am carrying my rhythm
I am carrying my prayers


End Credits:
An End Has a Start (Editors) - Okay, I cheated. I skipped one song so that this song would be my end credits song. It's just too perfect!

You came on your own
That's how you'll leave
With hope in your hands
And air to breathe
I won't disappoint you
As you fall apart
Some things should be simple
Even an end has a start

Stolen

They were lying beside each other, bodies not touching, staring at the ceiling, sleepy but blissfully content, alcohol lazily coursing through their bloodstreams, but not yet drunk enough to not be aware of that very moment

For some reason, she suddenly blurts out, "Let's tell each other something we don't know about each other."

And she begins to run down in her mind something that she would want him to know. "Should I tell him that I love burping out loud? Or that when I was young, I wanted to be a receptionist when I grew up? Or that my greatest frustration in life is that I cannot draw to save my life?"

After he speaks and tells his secret, he turns to her and says "So, what's yours?"

And for once, she decides to bare a piece of her soul. She whispers, "I've never fallen in love."

He sits up, looks at her incredelously "Didn't you say that you were as good as engaged a few years back?"

She closes her eyes and the emotions that she felt during that brief period flashed before her. She murmurs "No. I don't think that was love at all. I haven't felt that all-abiding passion that I always hear of. I have yet to totally open myself up to the joys and pains of actually falling in love."

He pokes her shoulder and jokingly says, "Now, you will"

The girl refuses to open her eyes and look at him because he might see the fear in her eyes. She feels the inevitable cold truth coursing through her veins, the inevitable truth that he might just be right

She opens her eyes and looks at him and in her head, answers with conviction, "Maybe"


Clear liquor and cloudy eyed, too early to say goodnight
- Stolen, Dashboard Confessional

You're ruining me
With secrets and gestures and looks
With sonnets from second-hand books
Playing the chords in me nobody knew how to play
- The Thief, Brook Fraser

How long can I hide, what I'm feeling inside
My love is a river, that's got to make its way into sea
- Beneath the Surface, Incognito

monday morning blues

nah, i don't really have the blues. and even though i didn't sleep a wink, and even though i know it's gonna be another hell week, i just feel so energized and ready to take on the world. well, in a sleepy way, that is.

so what has got me so revved up?

jollibee's chicken tocino breakfast
i dunno why oily food hits the right spot, but it does. and when you pair it up with hot chocolate, man, it just tastes like a slice of perfection. until i start thinking of the calories, that is. but i refuse to think of the calories

music! music! music!
azure ray - dream pop at its dreamiest
hellogoodbye - makes me want to dance around the room
nerina pallot - makes me wish i could sing and play the piano like her
amelie ost - makes me weepy and nostalgic and romantic
my wake me up songs - love is waiting, my favourite book, knowing there is only now, long walk home, sofia, grateful, we are all in the dance

lack of sleep
for some reason, i am more alive and productive and adrenaline-y when i haven't got any sleep. but then after a few hours, i will surely crash into oblivion. so i should enjoy this while it lasts

the truth shall set you free
i took a big step last friday in admitting something to someone, although it was somehow under duress. but i havent done that in a long time, and it feels so liberating. and i am enjoying the "perks" that come with finally being open about it. let's just hope i remember the rules and not overthink and overanalyze things. right, luv?

paris je t'aime
come hell or high water, i am going to watch it tonight. i swear, if anyone gets in my way, i will get so freaking pissed they won't know what hit them. as feist so aptly put it, nous sommes tous dans la danse

the august playlist

my ipod is really such a blessing. not only do i have a companion on those long bus rides home or those early mornings in the office when i'm the only soul out and about, but now i have a valid reason to totally let out my OC-ness when it comes to tagging, arranging and re-arranging my music

oh, and playlists are so much more fun on an ipod (damn you, steve jobs! now i am a walking advertisement for your products!)

and in the tradition of stef and ailene in naming their gadgets, the ipod is now arien

so...on with the playlist


MY FAVOURITE BOOK - STARS
My officemate and I can't get enough of this sweeteningly sick yet utterly cool song. It is the perfect theme for her and her boyfriend, but since she says he doesnt appreciate this artist, i have dibs on this song already. now if only i can find a lover to share this with...hehe

"that is how we'll always make it. how i know your face or the way you move.i can read you, you're my favorite book. all the things you say, the way you shift your eyes. i never knew there was someone to come and make me feel alive"

LOVE IS WAITING - BROOKE FRASER
Totally Ailene's fault. Romantic longings and the songs that go with them are totally infectious.

i watch as lovers pass me by
Walking stories - whos and hows and whys
Musing lazily on love, Pondering you
I'll give it time, give it space and be still for a spell
When it's time to walk that way we wana walk it well

THE WORLD IS OUR PLAYGROUND - UP DHARMA DOWN
Maybe it's because I'm finally home with my family again
Or I recently celebrated my first year in my work (a major achievement for me, the perennial job hopper)
Or I've found out what I really want to do with my life
But seems to be the cry of my heart

"I swear I belong...This is where I belong"

NOT READY TO MAKE NICE - DIXIE CHICKS
I'm not really angry at anyone for anything. But this song just makes me so want to scream "Hell yeah!" for no reason at all. An anthem for the bitter and the oppressed

I’m not ready to make nice
I’m not ready to back down
I’m still mad as hell and
I don’t have time to go round and round and round
It’s too late to make it right
I probably wouldn’t if I could
‘Cause I’m mad as hell
Can’t bring myself to do what it is you think I should

GOD ONLY KNOWS - BEACH BOYS
Entertainment Weekly recently named it as the most romantic love song. And I couldn't agree more. Whenever Ihear this song, I think of people who have been married for 25 years and who still have the ability to look at each other and say "God only knows what I'd be without you"

I'LL FOLLOW YOU INTO THE DARK - DEATH CAB FOR CUTIE
Yeah, it is theologically twisted, but it is such a beautful poetic and twisted take on the till death do us part and beyond aspect of love

If Heaven and Hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark

WE'RE ALL IN THE DANCE - FEIST
It is the song that's playing on the Paris Je T'aime trailer which makes me fall all the more in love with that movie. Cinemanila na!!! Let's watch! Let's watch!

To be continued...

sige na nga, survey na rin

01: Ano ang problema mo?
Ayoko ng ulan. At may gusto ako pero may gusto siyang iba...

02: Bakit sadyang may mga taong tanga?
Tulog yung iba nung nagsabog ng katalinuhan ang Diyos

03: Ano ang masasabi mo sa mga taong mahilig manloko?
Babalik rin sa inyo yan

04: Sa paanong paraan magiging masaya ang isang tulad mo?
Kape. Libro. Musika. At siya sa tabi ko. Haha

05: Kung luluha ka uli, ano o sino ang magiging dahilan nito?
Malamang lalake na naman. Lagi naman eh

06: Sino ang taong nagpapasaya sayo ngayon?
Si ano

07: Bakit hindi sagot ang pagpapakamatay sa mga problemang dumarating sa ating buhay?
Kase mas maraming problema na maiiwan sa mga taong nagmamahal sayo

08: Kaya mo bang magpakamatay para sa pagibig?
Hindi no

09: Ano ang mga pangarap mo sa buhay?
Magpunta ng Europa. Magkaroon ng public library/cafe. Magkaron ng harmless fling.

10: Kung may tao kang gustong patayin, sino ito?
Ang nakaimbento ng high heels

11: Bakit naman?
Parusa ang ginawa niya

12: Matapang ka ba?
Ay hindi. Loser ako

13: Ano ang pinakamalaking kasalanang nagawa mo sa taon na ito?
Ay marami

14: Madali ka bang magsawa?
Oo naman

15: Ano ang masasabi mo sa mga taong martyr?
Pagkatapos ng lahat, ikaw pa rin ang lugi

16: Seryoso ka bang tao?
’Pag meron ako

17: ‘Pag namatay ka ngayong oras na ito, marami kayang tao ang iiyak?
Sana

18: Masakit ka bang magsalita pag galit ka?
Umiiyak lang ako pag galit, di na ako makapagsalita

19: Pikon ka ba?
Pag sinabi mong kamukha ko si Aiza

20: Huling bilin?
Sige na, sagutin niyo na ito kung wala kayong magawa

A Day Late

for someone whose life is communications, your messages are kinda muddled

or maybe it's just my head that's muddled and i've been imagining that things actually mean something when in fact, they are just some random mutterings that come out of your mouth whenever you deign to actually communicate with me

but whatever it is, can i just say, that finally, i am tired and i've reached the point of no return?
im through trying to rack my brains just to try to figure out what it is you want from me, if you wanted anything at all

and at least now, i can actually start being a friend, and nothing else. that is, if you need a friend. if not, oh well....

We are who we were when
Could have been lovers but at least you're still my day late friend
we are who, we are who we were when
Who knew what we know now
Could have been more but at least you're still my day late friend
We are who, we are who we were when
- A Day Late, Anberlin