whoever you think you are

there are things that are better left unsaid in person but should be said out loud whether in your head or in writing

so here goes...

i thank you for making me feel something i havent felt in a long time. a lot of people were telling me to stop feeling that way because it would end up in heartache. i could've listened to them and just put a wall between you and me. but, foolishly perhaps, i chose to risk a bit of pride and emotion and discovered the wonderful person you are and the man you are trying to become.

there were moments when i was so tempted to drop not-so-subtle hints but i restrained myself because i wouldnt know what to do anyways if you picked up on those hints and decided to do something

and im so thankful that you never did anything that would have caused me to misconstrue your intentions or lead me down a path that i also would have not known where to go. i shouldve been peeved that you didnt flirt or dropped pick-up lines but somehow wounded egos didnt figure into this equation

i think this is the first time ever that unrequited like/love did not end up in heartbreak. i never shed a single tear over you during this time, and if you really know me and my history, you would really be surprised. this doesnt mean that my feelings weren't that deep to begin with. i cant even explain to myself what i exactly feel, but i do know that a few weeks in, it went past the line of infatuation

but for now, i think i've decided to step back and rethink what i really want with my life, in terms of "boys" and relationships. and that means stop considering the possibilities, stop thinking about you constantly (and lately, it's been surprisingly possible) and to just look at you as a friend and not "the one". you didnt do anything wrong, i still think you're wonderful and amazing, and i guess that will never change

i guess what im trying to say here is, thank you, even though im pretty sure you dont know who you are and how you've "helped" me discover things about myself, even though you dont know you were actually helping

so there, ive said it. as that guy in love actually says after he declares his feelings for keira knightley through idiot boards, "enough. that's enough"