Wednesday, January 31, 2007

the post-quarter life emo-ish rant

how to explain how i feel right now? forgive the mind vomit...

i feel like i cut off my arm to stop my hand from hurting

i feel the old festering wounds threatening to spit up like vomit and i can't do anything to stop it except to swallow it, therefore leaving this acidic, bitter taste in my mouth

i feel ashamed of all my shortcomings and letting down the people i have come to love and cherish but are now part of this book that i desperately want to close because i am afraid of turning the next page and seeing the list of all my transgressions

i feel like i am slowly achieving my dream but the elation is mixed with the guilt because in order to get there i would have to sacrifice some things i've never thought of giving up before

i feel this unbearable urge to act upon an unspoken attraction that i know will lead me to heartache down the road

i feel this need to go cold turkey on cutting them off from my life because if i know they're still there, all this confusion and turmoil inside me will go unresolved because i will still always rely on them even though i sometimes feel they're too far away in their own worlds for me to reach

i feel like the things i believed in strongly before are now held by a very weak thread and i am afraid to examine them closely because if they finally break, i would not know how to deal with the broken pieces

i feel like shutting my ears because i know the things i will hear are probably right but i am also afraid that they will finally sound empty to me and i just can't handle that

so yes, that is me, the big ball of energy, confusion and emotion that is now craving for things that are practically out of my reach

so ends the vomitting

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

today

i officially became an adult because i moved to a new house all by myself

i am even more smitten and feeling like a high school girl going all giggly

is the first time that i don't have much work on my plate and that scares the heck out of me

is the first time i left the house without any earrings and bracelets and i feel a bit naked

i've decided to let go of a lot of things to make room for other things that previously did not have space because of too much clutter, physically and metaphorically speaking

i am, once again, seriously starting my diet (until the next time i decide to, once again, throw caution to the wind)

is the day when i wanted to post but had nothing intelligent to say, hence this post

Thursday, January 25, 2007

extremely beautiful and incredibly sad


If you saw a girl in the mrt last Sunday,with tears streaming down her face while reading a chocolate stained book while holdng a tupperware of strawberries and coffee beans,yes that was me.

and what got me bawling my eyes out was a book called extremely loud and incredibly close. as a friend said, what will tug at your heart is not just what was said but even moe so, what was left unsaid. and i also cry because i am amazed at how the writer captured pain, grief, and loss in such a beautiful way

i still have a few chapters to go, but already i am highly recommending this book. i am willing to lend it to you, chocolate stains and all...

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

what's been keeping me up again




(image by Jen and words by Stef)

DELL Rocks Eastwood City


On Jan. 25-27 from 6-9 p.m., Dell’s newest Contact Center takes Eastwood City by storm with a series of concerts featuring three of the hottest local bands today—Up Dharma Down, Orange and Lemons, and Rivermaya. The concerts coincide with DELL’s recruitment efforts as they expand their operations in the Philippines with a second site in Eastwood City’s cyber/commercial complex (their first center is in Mall of Asia).

Dell has been placing high value on making computers accessible to customers around the world—including businesses, institutional organizations and individuals—for more than two decades. Because of Dell’s direct model, technology is more accessible and affordable. With more than 75,000 employees worldwide, Dell operates in more than 50 countries. This global reach means that Dell’s direct approach is relevant across the board—all product lines, regions and customer segments.

Don’t mistake Dell’s Customer Contact Centers for call centers. Dell has a penchant for finding the best talent in the customer support industry. It offers vast career growth opportunities for its employees and a chance to make a real difference to themselves and to the world. It’s called the Total Value of working at Dell.

Interested applicants are encouraged to bring their resumes to one of the recruitment booths around the Eastwood Center Plaza during the concert. You can rock out to the music of Up Dharma Down, Orange and Lemons and Rivermaya while you’re at it, too.

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

commuter's tirade


i hate hate hate hate commuting
not that I'm a rich bitch who doesn't want to get dirty by sitting next to a sweaty man on the jeepney
it's just that i hate being stressed and harassed even before i get to start my work day
i dont think i even need to tell you that Filipino jeepney drivers are absolutely crazy (okay, hasty generalization, sorry). they swerve at the most inopportune times, they talk to fellow jeepney drivers in the middle of the street, they probably need to use motolite break fluid or something and they contribute like 80% to Manila's pollution. and dont even get me started on riding the MRT during rush hours...

i leave the house all poised and freshly washed and with a wide smile to greet the morning. But by the time i'm halfway through my commute, i feel awkward, sweaty and have a wide frown to greet the onslaught of fellow commuters trekking on the same road i am. Okay, it is partly my fault too because usually you will find me with 2-3 bags or one big, inconvenient bag and that really makes commuting even more difficult

So it is with great anticipation that I'm looking forward to not commuting anymore. No, i am not getting a car or deciding to waste my salary away by taking a taxi everyday. I have blessedly found a boarding house that is 10 houses away from my office. So aside from getting a bit of exercise everyday and saving up on commuting fare, i get to arrive at the office poised, freshly washed and with a sleepy smile on my face because i just got up a few minutes ago

The downside? Now i cant blame the perils of commuting for being late

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

now if only life was really a movie...




The Movie Of Your Life Is A Cult Classic



Quirky, offbeat, and even a little campy - your life appeals to a select few.

But if someone's obsessed with you, look out! Your fans are downright freaky.



Your best movie matches: Office Space, Showgirls, The Big Lebowski

Monday, January 15, 2007

a great way to start the week

i got locked in our bathroom for an hour this morning
put it down to one of those "what the crap was i thinking?" moments

it's already been clearly established by my housemates that our bathroom door is broken. and i was clearly warned not to lock that door, lest i get locked inside

but sure enough, as i sleepily trudged to the bathroom early this morning, i heard the inevitable click of the door and it slowly dawned on me that i was locked in, at 530 in the morning, and with one housemate away in Negros, and one away in dreamland.

if this had happened to me months ago, i would have just sat on the bowl and bawled my eyes out, then waited for my housemate to eventually wake up at around 7am

but this time around, i resolved to solve this stupid problem on my own. and true enough, the adage "kung di mo makuha sa santong dasalan, kunin sa santong pwersahan" (or something like that) proved true

it might not be a big deal for you, but for me it is a breakthrough

Thursday, January 11, 2007

coffee coffee coffee


if you open up my body at this very moment, you would probably see, smell and feel caffeine running through my veins

coffee used to be a recreational activity for me. but now my brain has been re-wired to associate coffee with business meetings, working on my laptop, trying to find a coffee shop with free wifi

coffee used to be for having quiet but crazy conversations with friends or a contemplative "me" time or just simply basking in the addictive aroma and heady feeling that coffee gives me

im not complaining, because i would take coffee whatever way i can

but i do miss just staring off into space while sipping on a frapuccino. or reading a book while i let my cappuccino get cold. or marathon gab session with friends who dont know the meaning of segue while constantly getting brewed coffee refills

so the first chance i get, il spend the whole day just doing all of that. so are you up for a cup?

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

2006 is the year when...

...i finally learned to eat with chopsticks

...i became sure that i will forever be an alterna-rock girl, even when i cannot hear anymore

...i took a look at some of the things i always believed in and realized that i need to re-examine them because i dont know why i believed them in the first place

...i played "chasing cars" like crazy

...i finally came back to the career i tried to escape and now im truly fulfilled and satisfied

...a dream almost came true, until i came crashing down to earth painfully

...i got addicted to even more shows (battlestar galactica, heroes, jericho, how i met your mother, without a trace, arrested development, the office)

...i fell in crush with a guy who knows i exist but doesnt look my way and surprisingly, it's perfectly fine with me

...the photo op gods were good to me (steven curtis chapman, chris botti, joel houston)

...the odd wheel syndrome really got to me

...christmas and new year were spent eating take out food and being perfectly happy about it

here's to a great new year!!!