of boys and beaches

i'm heading to the beach tomorrow for the first time in 8 years

yes, i know i'm a loser. but somehow, the opportunity has never arisen before or i was just too broke or too lazy to arrange something with anyone. but the curse is going to be broken tomorrow morning as the whole office flies off to boracay, hopefully without carrying a single thought of work with us

which brings back memories of the last time i was at the beach. i don't remember exactly when (sometime around 8 years ago) or where (somwhere in between baguio and manila) or what happened (except for the pictures that i have)

but i do remember the feeling of excitement that i carried with me going to the beach and then the hopelessness that i took back with me to manila

for me to tell you the story of the guy i was hopelessly in love with at that time and how he subtly and gently let me down (i refuse to say broke my heart because fortunately, it never happened)and how we have remained good friends until now because he happened to marry my high school best friend and they have a gorgeous daughter together, would require a bottle of beer and much persuasion on your part

for me to tell you the story of another guy who took those wonderful pictures of me and who happened to break my heart into a million pieces years later and how we have remained civil and sometimes a bit friendly in spite of everything that happened, would require three bottles of beer, rum coke and a little bit of persuasion on your part (if i'm not yet drunk out of my mind)

for me to tell you the story of what i was thinking when i was looking out to sea (which was when will i ever find someone i can love and who will love me in return, which unfortunately is still the question in my head every other hour of the day) would require a cup of coffee and a willing ear

and for me to tell you why i associate beaches with boys and hopeless longings, would require an analysis of hollywood movies influence on my life and a brief analysis of my psyche

here's to new memories of new beaches (and just maybe, new boys)

dazed and confused

I don't know why, but my time away from the real world (aka locking myself in a world where the television is the be all and end all) has left me feeling dazed and confused. Everything seems to be moving slowly or maybe it's me that has gone slow motion. Words that used to flow smoothly through my lips are finding themselves stuck in my throat. Everytime I try to focus on the work at hand, my brain seems to refuse to focus and instead drifts away to a place it shouldn't go to at this moment. And instead of planning where I should go to next since I've been cooped in the house for a week, I'm already drifting off to my bed and thinking of all the things I want to do on my own

It's not as if I went through something remotely life changing. It's not as if I'm depressed because I have nothing to be depressed about. It's not as if I'm at a crossroads in my life because I like where I am now

So not knowing why I am dazed and confused has left me all the more dazed and confused

Bibliophile Meme

1. One book that changed your life.
Helen Keller's autobiography. I read it once a week when I was in elementary

2. One book you have read more than once.
All Tolkien books. I've read each one more than twice

3. One book you would want on a desert island.
Time Traveler's Wife

4. One book that made you laugh.
Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close

5. One book that made you cry.
Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close. Yes, i was schizo when I was reading it

6. One book you wish had been written.
a book about the Fourth Age in Middle Earth. Yes, I'm a geek

7. One book you wish had never been written.
Around 80% of the chick lit stuff lying around

8. One book you are currently reading.
Orphan Pamuk's Snow. I just wish I had the time to finish it

9. One book you have been meaning to read.
Margaret Atwood's Penelopiad

Tag five people for this meme. I won’t be upset if you don’t do the meme. But the meme ghost might be.

You, You, Yes You, You Again and You

the birthday blues

i think there's a built-in mechanism within me that automatically switches to "depressed" whenever a birthday draws near

i long for the days when i used to count the days to my birthday, 3 months before. when the anticipation as to what that day would bring just about killed me. it wasn't really about the gifts, but finding out who truly cared to do something special of even just greet you.

isn't it such a cliche to feel this way now? somebody, slap some sense into me please?

Hi, just call me Ed

During the four days that we stayed in Cebu, and having visited almost 10 different coffee shops, not once did the baristas get my name right.

It was always, "Coffee for Eda/Ed"

Don't get me wrong, I didn't find it annoying. I actually found it endearingly amusing

Here's to you Cebu. The next time I visit, I hope it won't be for work, but for fun. I look forward to exploring you leisurely and thoroughly (okay, that didn't sound like it did in my head. but, you get my point)

And the next time I visit, may I take real pictures instead of taking snapshots of lamppost banners for clients (hence, the picture here)