blues clues

We're all as lonely as we wanted to be
- People Watching, Jack Johnson

"Loneliness is cooking for five people and then eating alone"
- me, crying over beef with brocolli a few nights ago

I don't know why December brings out the depression in people. It's supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year. But because of our beauty/love/gift obsessed society, people who have none of the above tend to sing the blues instead of the hallelujahs.

Even I, the eternal cynical optimist (if there is such a thing) tend to drop a few tears when this time of the year comes around. And it depresses me when I feel depressed because I should know better than to listen to those stupid voices in my head that tell me I'm all alone. Hello, I have a God who showers me with grace and love, a family who loves me, friends who will be there for me if i need them, a job that i love, a roof over my head, etc etc etc. Why the heck should I feel sad just because I have no shopping money (due to laptop payments), i'm always an odd wheel (it's not their fault they're in love) or that the guy i like barely knows i'm alive (okay, that sounds too high school-ish) or because it is cool to be melancholic this time of the year

I'm a Christmas gal. I love the lights that line the street, the songs that make you sigh or bob your head or both. I go gaga over puto bumbong and bibingka. I sniff the Christmas air like it's a drug (but only till i realize that it's actually pollution im smelling, underneath that air). I think Christmas is wonderful. It's a reminder of just how much God loves us.

That is why I am convincing myself (and you too, if you are in the same funk) to snap out of this, because it is not doing me any good. Wouldnt you rather be happy and content than pining away for things that are out of your reach. Yes, easier said than done. But, it is still a choice (unless you're suffering from something clinical or psychological, then i suggest you get help) to be lonely or to be happy

And yes it sounds cliched and trite, but I will choose joy over everything else. Otherwise, it's all useless